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How To Get Over Your Ex: Six Tips For Moving Forwards

Getting over someone that you once loved isn't easy. Here are six tips from some of the most experienced dating experts on how to get over your ex.

Lorraine Adams
Lorraine Adams
Dating expert and founder of Gorgeous Networks Ltd.

Getting over someone that you once loved, even if it was you who did the dumping, is right up there as one of the most traumatic and stressful experiences to go through. Statistics show that over 43% of couples divorce after being together for 30+ years, which means that there are far more couples splitting aged over 50, than any other demographic.

If you've been in a toxic relationship and left, although in some ways you will feel better, you are still likely to feel totally lost and drained for weeks, if not months. If you're the one who has been left, it can be even harder to process what happened. It can be years before you start to rediscover your sense of self, especially if you don’t seek help or ensure you make the effort to work on yourself. Leaving an unhappy relationship will, in most cases, turn out to be the best decision you ever made.

The most difficult part of ending a relationship is walking away. It is much easier talk yourself into the "better the devil you know" mindset, especially when you read or hear of horror stories from the dating world. However, with the average life expectancy currently sitting at around the age of 81 – give or take a couple of years – and that age expected to stretch out even further over the next twenty years, don’t you think you owe it to yourself to try and snatch back 30 or so years of potential happiness? If not bliss!

Six Tips From Some Of The Most Experienced Dating Experts On How To Get Over Your Ex.

1. Enjoy The Fun of Over-50s Dating, But Take Things Slowly.

Siobhan Copland is a top London matchmaker and dating coach. Siobhan says:

“It can be daunting, especially if the last time you were single was over a decade or so ago, before the world of dating apps, but embrace the changes that have come with the times. Given that your days of hitting the bars and nightclubs might be over, it’s an opportunity to have countless amounts of romance opportunities literally at your fingertips.

"So have fun, go out on dates, try to reserve judgements on singles before meeting them and try not to judge yourself. Initially, place the emphasis on this being a steppingstone experience, rather than going all out in search of a partner. Start with a phone call, or even better a video call first if you're not sure that you want to meet in person. You could also think about hiring a dating coach to help prepare you for the slightly faster pace of dating.”

She adds: “Be prepared not to feel that immediate physical attraction. It's one thing to grow older together and accept the changes in your looks as you age. But it can be harder to find that initial attraction now your suitors look more senior than the last time you dated. Look for friendship that can be built on. Be around friends who are happy and positive-minded don’t spend so much time with friends who perhaps you also shared with your ex for a while, as it's tempting to talk about them, and you risk it becoming a constant reminder, when you're trying to move on.

"Create some new memories, such as visiting new places you haven't been with your ex or taking a trip with family and friends. When meeting new people and discussing your life experiences, avoid referring back to your ex and reminiscing or dwelling on the past. It's never too late to find love and to create excitement with someone new!”

2. Find New Hobbies That Make You Happy.

Longstanding dating coach James Preece suggests creating some new routines to help fill the void left by the breakup. Try new hobbies, join clubs, or take up classes to meet new people and keep your mind occupied. Keeping busy will help you stay positive and create new memories to focus on. Keep an open mind about who you are happy to meet. The more tick boxes you have, the fewer chances you are giving yourself to meet someone.

"It can be daunting, especially if the last time you were single was over a decade ago, before the world of dating apps. Embrace the changes that have come with the times."

3. If It Feels Too Good To Be True, It Probably Is.

April Ashby who runs one of the busiest matchmaking agencies in London, Mutual Attraction, suggests that if you are going to throw yourself into dating apps, which initially does shake off a few of the old cobwebs, be cautious, especially because you might be feeling slightly vulnerable. Try not to be swept away by compliments and positive sentiments, especially if someone is giving them away too early on. Be aware of any early red flags, as it might be a sign that the other person is not who or what they seem.

4. Don't Look Back. No Regrets!

Owner of the Intro-NW matchmaking agency in the North West, Tiffany Thomas is unapologetically brutal with her advice. She has seen too many people waste years of their life going back and forth with a partner in a dysfunctional relationship, only to wish they had made the move years ago when they are introduced to a new romance. “The quickest way is to move forward and to give yourself a new beginning and to let go. It's something that my grandmother once told me after a relationship ended. She'd say sharp knives cut clean.” Tough love maybe, but Tiffany has seen how breaking away for good can enhance someone’s life and make them look and feel years younger, with renewed energy.

5. Ease Into No Contact, If You Need To

Joni Hughes is site editor at The Dating Directory, a one-stop website that lists and keeps up to date with all the best dating apps, matchmaking services, dating events and everything else to help singles on their dating journey. Joni suggests giving yourself manageable mini-timelines when you first break up with someone. Tell yourself that you are not going to initiate contact or respond for a whole week. After that week, you will definitely feel a little stronger, to maybe be able to extend that timeline. Joni understands how raw a breakup can feel in the early days, and suggests trying to distract your mind in any way that you can in those first few weeks, however drastic that might be. If you can afford to take yourself away, do it. Even if you have nobody who can join you, it's the perfect time for a trip to a retreat or health farm where you can take care of you.

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6. Don't Rush Into Something. Take Your Time.

Genevieve Gresset runs singles retreats. Her events are designed to connect singles who are all in similar situations. Her retreats are great opportunities for making new friends, and even potentially meeting new love interests! Genevieve believes it is crucial to be kind to yourself during a breakup and not try and put too much pressure on yourself to find a new partner immediately.

Enjoy being single, enjoy dating, enjoy doing things that you would not do or could not do when you were in a relationship. You are more likely to attract a new long term romantic interest when you are cheerful, vibrant and happy with your life.