Midlife couple on a boat
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Intuitive Intimacy: Forming Deeper, More Meaningful Connections in the Dating World

It’s only when one encounters a truly meaningful relationship that we realise how off point we were in our initial search.

Lorraine Adams
Lorraine Adams
Dating expert and founder of Gorgeous Networks Ltd.

Over the past 24 years that I have been coupling people up, I have discovered that those relationships that have stood the test of time, came about after much encouragement, even persuasion to actually meet in the first place. Rarely, do the people that we find ourselves falling in love with, come in the package that we originally hold so clearly in our mind.

During the last 15 years especially, society has progressively instilled into us to gravitate towards the most aesthetically blessed people and to portray our most physically attractive self on dating apps and matchmaking profiles. Consequently, it has become increasingly more difficult for singles to discover long term compatible partnerships. However, a recent poll carried out by The Dating Directory discovered that the dating climate could have finally started to turn a more positive corner. 72% of those singles surveyed said that they would consider going on a second and third date with someone, even if there was no initial attraction or chemistry.

Midlife Doesn't Mean an End to Your Lovelife

As we get older and move into our 50’s, it can be extremely challenging for us to persuade ourselves to pursue a connection with someone that we don’t have the slightest notion to want to rip their clothes off and jump into bed with. However, encountering someone where we seem to primarily have a meeting of minds with, can very easily gradually mutate into a very physically and sexually pleasing relationship. For those of us that have discovered the secret of losing ourselves in an all-consuming love affair, regardless of whether there is evidently a lack of height or an extra layer of fat present, or less hair that we had hoped for, it has all become very relevant.

72% of singles surveyed said that they would consider going on a second and third date with someone, even if there was no initial attraction or chemistry.

How to Make Meaningful Emotional Connections

Those singles who are prioritising an emotional connection and intimacy over physical attraction and superficial aspects are being richly rewarded with far more harmonious and effortlessly fulfilling relationships.

The secret to finding a potentially long term and meaningful connection is very simple. It's in learning to invest our time – not in endlessly swiping left on those who we do not find easy on the eye, or only swiping right on those images that we think hit the mark – but instead to find sites or services where there is more to go on than simply the visuals. Especially as The Dating Directory poll revealed that 88% of those singles that swiped right and decided to meet in person, were disappointed to discover that IRL their date did not represent the image they had posted.

There are those whose eyes glaze over whilst they try and think of a quick escape route during the first few minutes of a blind date, instead of investing a little time to try and delve beneath the surface to ascertain potential treasures in their date’s personality, history and whole being. It can be so disappointing, disconcerting and frustrating for someone who has gone along on the date with a far more open mind. It is also a very short-sighted and far less fruitful dating strategy.

Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover

So why do many singles still insist on judging people on the surface level aspects rather than having a more curious and exploratory approach to dating?

UK’s top dating coach James Preece thinks that the main reason that so many singles focus on superficial aspects is mostly because of peer pressure. “It’s generally a deep-rooted need for one-upmanship” James reveals. “Many singles care more about impressing their friends and family with the more visible attributes, than having to try and explain that they have found a genuine, emotionally supportive individual that they feel helps them to become a better version of themselves.”

Some matchmaking services such as Gorgeous Networks and Maclynn offer an Enneagram compatibility test upon becoming a member. This identifies clients most domineering personality traits and therefore which types they will be most harmoniously compatible with long term. Both agencies consider it more crucial to search for and recognise candidates that will have a good chance of growing together as a team, than going down a route to search for someone who is over a certain height or is a particular build or that lives within a specified location.

Obviously, there are nice to haves, but it seems that the singles that are seeking and rapidly finding their forever person are people who have had the foresight to eradicate a judgmental attitude to dating and take on a whole new and less dismissive approach. It is also evident that those in their 50’s and 60’s are leading the way on this new dating trend.